That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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