I bet he comes in French.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
