first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you never un-have a 4some
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
