Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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