I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
