Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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