I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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