how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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