You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
