And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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