Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
