Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
