She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
