shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
