Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she told me i tasted like america
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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