i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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