Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Success! We fucked roommates!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
