i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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