I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
