i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
