I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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