The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
