I bet he comes in French.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
