k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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