I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
