He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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