We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
