we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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