I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
