Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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