I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
