come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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