no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
