Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
