just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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