he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
