My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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