yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
