I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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