he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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