Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
