So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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