Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
