he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
