Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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