Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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