What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
