I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
