i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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