is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
