Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
