You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
